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Never been. But I've always liked the idea of the theatre. The smell of the grease, the roar of the paint. I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would've gone into the theatre.

Balloons explode, Jen. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.

I don't like goat's anything. I don't like goats being involved in any stage of the food production process.

An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. Caw... caw... well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. Not terrible, just not great. Hear me well, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight, no good at all. And if you ask me... That's just bloody rude. Where's my Heat?

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but could he have thought you were a man?

You want me to open it. That's why you called me all the way up here, to open your laptop?

Hello? What? Well if you can't work as a team you're all fired. That's it, you heard me, fired! Get your things and go. Hello, security? Everyone on floor 4 is fired. Escort them from the premises. And do it as a team. Remember, you're a team and if you can't act as a team, you're fired too. Dom, get on to recruitment. Get them to look for a security team that can work as a team. They may have to escort the current security team from the building for not acting like a team.

My middle name is ready. No, that doesn't sound right. I eat ready for breakfast.

Ah, well, prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame set at gas mark 'egg on your face'! I sort of forget what I was talking about.

Balloons explode, Jen. They explode suddenly, and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright, and I find that unbearable.

Just promise me we won't do anything else with them. I want to go back to being weird. I like being weird. Weird is all I've got. That and my sweet style.

I don't know if it's the loss of blood or the melting plastic from the monitor, but I feel great!