New park in Puerto Demokratia

Didn't know what a stress machine as this morning, and now we have two of them.

Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested; these are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!

There's nothing sexual about it, I mean I like Roy, but I'm not 'Curious'.

I only know one woman and she just left the room shouting 'The shoes!'

Well, if someone called me a 'big, ugly builder', I'd be furious - and not just because I'm actually an IT consultant. Revenge, that would be uppermost on my mind: 'I'm going to wee on everything. I'm going to taint her abode. I'm going to strain my personal potatoes throughout her premises.'

Oh, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality.

I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk.

Well, I'm the boss... Head Honcho. El Numero Uno. Mr. Big. The Godfather. Lord of the Rings. The Bourne... Identity. Er... Taxi Driver. Jaws. I forgot the question quite a while back. Who are you, again?

Oh, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality.

Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?

Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?

Fire. Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire that has broken out on the premises of 123 Cavendon Road... no, that's too formal. Fire - exclamation mark - fire - exclamation mark - help me - exclamation mark. 123 Cavendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours truly, Maurice Moss.

I'm a 32 year old IT consultant who works in the basement. Yes, I do the whole lonely hearts thing.