New hiking trail in Puerto Demokratia

I used to work as a waiter. If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers.

My middle name is ready. No, that doesn't sound right. I eat ready for breakfast.

Now, let's see what we have here. 'Stand upright.' Well now I can't read it. Oh, not me. I AM a giddy goat.

It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse. Would you like a pen? I have a spare one.

Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Oh, it's just water. Sometimes I get a hot ear, and this helps cool it down. She is quite the oddball.

Well, if someone called me a 'big, ugly builder', I'd be furious - and not just because I'm actually an IT consultant. Revenge, that would be uppermost on my mind: 'I'm going to wee on everything. I'm going to taint her abode. I'm going to strain my personal potatoes throughout her premises.'