Neuer Wanderweg in Puerto Demokratia

An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. Caw... caw... well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego. Oh, it went right in the heel. Turning on my television set, I noticed the reception wasn't great. Not terrible, just not great. Hear me well, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight, no good at all. And if you ask me... That's just bloody rude. Where's my Heat?

I used to work as a waiter. If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers.

Never been. But I've always liked the idea of the theatre. The smell of the grease, the roar of the paint. I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would've gone into the theatre.

I don't like goat's anything. I don't like goats being involved in any stage of the food production process.

A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.

Ugh, OK, well the button on the side, is it glowing?... Yeah, you need to turn it on. Erm, the button turns it on. Yeah, you... you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.

Didn't know what a stress machine as this morning, and now we have two of them.

Roy, I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not one hour ago. I told them about Jen winning Employee of the Month and they were so impressed that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.

Well, don't take this the wrong way, but could he have thought you were a man?

I hope this doesn't embarrass you, Jen, but I find the best thing to do with a new employee is to size them up with a long, hard stare...

I only know one woman and she just left the room shouting 'The shoes!'

With all due respect John, I am the head of IT and I have it on good authority that if you type 'Google' into Google, you can break the Internet. So please, no one try it, even for a joke. It's not a laughing matter. You can break the Internet.