New park in Puerto Demokratia

Oh look, Richmond's still alive.

Well, if someone called me a 'big, ugly builder', I'd be furious - and not just because I'm actually an IT consultant. Revenge, that would be uppermost on my mind: 'I'm going to wee on everything. I'm going to taint her abode. I'm going to strain my personal potatoes throughout her premises.'

I'm a 32 year old IT consultant who works in the basement. Yes, I do the whole lonely hearts thing.

Ah! The IT-department. Run by a dynamic go-getter, a genius and a man from Ireland.

Oh, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality.

It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse. Would you like a pen? I have a spare one.

Would I blow everyone's mind if I ate dessert first?

Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested; these are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!

OK, lady! You've won this round! But we can wait. You will slip up one day. And believe you me, we will be there when you do. There will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don't know anything about computers!

Oh, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality.